Simi-flipping-larities between Bengals training camp and Police Academy movies
By Buttaculari Bodabingbong
Okay, before I begin, let me say that Dadio wants me to stop cussing and stuff on his website, so I’m gonna use words like “flip” and “chute,” but you know what they mean, right? Okay. So, the Bengals are a basketball team in Oklahoma or something like that, and they are training like chute. A recent article by some flipping guy named Einstein-Bear, or some chute like that, even says they’re gonna win the flipping Super-Bowl.
So, that inspired me (and my mom, who is typing this, thanks Mom, I love you, you’re the flipping best Mom, no really, your food is like davvero, incredibilmente gustoso, [smooooooch]) to talk about how the Bengals are like my favorite movies, the Police Academy movies. There are nine similarities that I can count:
1. The Bengals suck at first. But if you keep watching them over and over, you are gonna love those clowns.
2. In Police Academy 6, the whole flipping city was under siege, but these douches came in and saved everyone’s asses. That’s what it will be like if the Bengals can win a playoff game this year.
3. The whole police academy is run by this idiot nut-job named Commandant Lassard. This moron can’t get nothing right, but you laugh your ass off just watching him. That’s a lot like the guy who owns the Bengals. He’s funny, but you kind of feel sad, too, when you laugh.
4. That really mean Lieutenant-Captain Harris guy always wanted things to go bad for the Police Academy. He was such a jerk. But it would always blow up in his face. That reminds me a lot of Boomer Esiason. He commentates all these negative things all the time, but then you’re like, “Dude, you were a Bengal once too, punk!” What the flip!?
5. Officer Larvell Jones. Really. What more can be said? The dude could make his mouth like a police siren, or he could sound like fifty dogs mowing your ass down. Well, did you know that the Bengals used to have some dude who could read lips? Could they be the same guy? Think about it.
6. Bobcat Goldthwait was nuts. Just flipping crazy. And yet you also got this guy named “Sweetchuck” who is small and just really flipping adorable. That just kind of reminds me of when you watch the Bengals. The little man who kicks the ball is just so petite and like portable. But then there are also these like beasts who are huge and kinda crazy. Man, do you see how much the Bengals are like Police Academy, or what? I’m killing myself over here.
7. And then there’s Officer Mahoney. Women love him. He’s funny. He’s cool. He’s the man. The dude is really a naturally born leader. Now if that isn’t like Peyton Manning, then who is?
Okay, well I couldn’t think of nine, but, Dadio, you still have to pay me.
Okay, before I begin, let me say that Dadio wants me to stop cussing and stuff on his website, so I’m gonna use words like “flip” and “chute,” but you know what they mean, right? Okay. So, the Bengals are a basketball team in Oklahoma or something like that, and they are training like chute. A recent article by some flipping guy named Einstein-Bear, or some chute like that, even says they’re gonna win the flipping Super-Bowl.
So, that inspired me (and my mom, who is typing this, thanks Mom, I love you, you’re the flipping best Mom, no really, your food is like davvero, incredibilmente gustoso, [smooooooch]) to talk about how the Bengals are like my favorite movies, the Police Academy movies. There are nine similarities that I can count:
1. The Bengals suck at first. But if you keep watching them over and over, you are gonna love those clowns.
2. In Police Academy 6, the whole flipping city was under siege, but these douches came in and saved everyone’s asses. That’s what it will be like if the Bengals can win a playoff game this year.
3. The whole police academy is run by this idiot nut-job named Commandant Lassard. This moron can’t get nothing right, but you laugh your ass off just watching him. That’s a lot like the guy who owns the Bengals. He’s funny, but you kind of feel sad, too, when you laugh.
4. That really mean Lieutenant-Captain Harris guy always wanted things to go bad for the Police Academy. He was such a jerk. But it would always blow up in his face. That reminds me a lot of Boomer Esiason. He commentates all these negative things all the time, but then you’re like, “Dude, you were a Bengal once too, punk!” What the flip!?
5. Officer Larvell Jones. Really. What more can be said? The dude could make his mouth like a police siren, or he could sound like fifty dogs mowing your ass down. Well, did you know that the Bengals used to have some dude who could read lips? Could they be the same guy? Think about it.
6. Bobcat Goldthwait was nuts. Just flipping crazy. And yet you also got this guy named “Sweetchuck” who is small and just really flipping adorable. That just kind of reminds me of when you watch the Bengals. The little man who kicks the ball is just so petite and like portable. But then there are also these like beasts who are huge and kinda crazy. Man, do you see how much the Bengals are like Police Academy, or what? I’m killing myself over here.
7. And then there’s Officer Mahoney. Women love him. He’s funny. He’s cool. He’s the man. The dude is really a naturally born leader. Now if that isn’t like Peyton Manning, then who is?
Okay, well I couldn’t think of nine, but, Dadio, you still have to pay me.
Vuz Ein-site de football?
September 02, 2012
By Dadio Wellington McDuck
So, vee all no dat een de pinjata, vee have-e de cupcakes, screws, bolts, larvae and oder surprisity tings. But vuht happen if vee open up de football? Vuht vee find?
Dadio he do a rrrrresearch project. He take exactly two footballs, vun dat vuz closed and anoder dat haz de estiches on it. Each vun carefully chosen to make dis a very scientificity ting. Now, Dadio, he cut open de footballs, take dem vit him to Costco and valk around. Den, after close investigatorshin vit microscoop, he notice dat nachos and salsa vuhr growing inside. Den Dadio, he tink, tink some more, feed elephants at de zoo, den tink again... finally he realize, since de Mexican food give Dadio so much gas, it only makes sense to fill de footballs vit eet... dat vhy de football, she travel further dan de bowling ball veen dat throwy guy throw it to that catchy guy.
By Dadio Wellington McDuck
So, vee all no dat een de pinjata, vee have-e de cupcakes, screws, bolts, larvae and oder surprisity tings. But vuht happen if vee open up de football? Vuht vee find?
Dadio he do a rrrrresearch project. He take exactly two footballs, vun dat vuz closed and anoder dat haz de estiches on it. Each vun carefully chosen to make dis a very scientificity ting. Now, Dadio, he cut open de footballs, take dem vit him to Costco and valk around. Den, after close investigatorshin vit microscoop, he notice dat nachos and salsa vuhr growing inside. Den Dadio, he tink, tink some more, feed elephants at de zoo, den tink again... finally he realize, since de Mexican food give Dadio so much gas, it only makes sense to fill de footballs vit eet... dat vhy de football, she travel further dan de bowling ball veen dat throwy guy throw it to that catchy guy.